Monday, September 20, 2010

Bad Driving

So I have a friend, several actually, that have stupid ole cancer.  Cancer has impacted my life since I was small, ever since it took my Dad's life, one of the greatest people you could have ever known.  There is a lady who lives down the street from me, who although I don't know really well, I really like.  She's friends with my oldest sister, and although I've not spent a ton of time with her, I follow her caringbridge page and am constantly amazed by her positive outlook while dealing with Stage 3 rectal cancer. 
A few weeks ago, she had finished one of her rounds of treatment, and I decided to take her a milkshake.  It was also a great excuse to get myself one too- as we all know I look for any excuse to eat.  But anyway, when my dad was sick, that was all he could eat, and everyday his friend, who owned Baskin Robbins, would show up with a milkshake.  It was a really nice gesture that made his days easier, and I've never forgotten it, so I decided it would be the perfect drop off treat. 
She lives on my street, so I cruised on down to her house, and there was a lovely space right in front of her house, so my plan was to leave the car running and drop of the shake, give her her privacy, and slink off home to drink my shake while watching my DVR'd Jersey Shore.  Not in the cards... As I went to park I bumped the car behind me as I was sliding into the space.  Now I've lived in a big city, where you use bumpers to actually rock your way into a space, so I wasn't too worried about it, especially since I barely tapped the car.  I got out, grabbed her milkshake, and headed inside.  I turned around, probably to make sure nobody with a pen and paper was waiting in hiding to write a note on the bumper I bumped, and good lord, couldn't believe what I saw.  There was an ENTIRE front end of a car laying in the middle of the street.  I mean, not just a bumper, but this was one of these bumpers that was attached to a giant grill, and wrapped all around the car.  An entire front end of a car basically.  And to add insult to injury, I was pretty sure it belonged to the girl (ie CANCER PATIENT)  I was visiting.  So here I am bringing her a milkshake, and instead have to offer her a ride to chemo.  I thought I was going to die right there on the split median.
So I brace myself, ring the doorbell, and have to tell this sweet girl what I have done.  I don't think she believes me at first, and thinks I'm joking, but then if you could see the way her face fell- and I knew exactly what she was thinking- "I can't believe I have to deal with this sh*t on top of everything else."  I can't think of the last time I felt that bad, unless you want to jump ahead about five minutes as I'm watching her in the frontyard try to wedge that giant bumper into the backseat of her SUV. 
I'll spare you the discussion that ensued with my Mother when I was crying on the phone with her after, on how my life is overextended and my mind is on overdrive at all times.  That really helped assauge the guilt.
So obviously I got her car fixed, but I'm still filing this under "No good deed" because most days I feel like that's the story of my life.... but like a glutton for punishment I keep coming back for more.  Stay tuned for details of my trip to the nursing home.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Taking it Back Old School

Well, as my friend EHB told me when she was encouraging me to start this blog, it comes to you right away and you just know what you're going to say.  I was worried that my timing was off, because as some of you know, I stress fractured my foot (at the gym- no joke) and since I can't do too much, was actually concerned my life might be too calm for the next few weeks to have anything good to say.... But then, when I woke up at 3 am, in a cold sweat, because I realized that I had actually been stupid enough to create a blog IN MY OWN NAME, I also realized I have often woken up in the middle of the night in a panic.  The name in the blog is a problem on many fronts- the first being that I work at an investment bank.  Can you imagine if one of my clients googled me before they hired me, doing normal due diligence, and saw some of the stories I'm about to write?  Or even worse, if a date googled me, and saw all my baggage conveniently and tidily lined up for him to see?  So, I have spent the morning trying to figure out how to change it- and have come up with a new URL  It seems more fitting anyway.  So in between worrying about having just performed career suicide, and future relationship suicide, I realized this:  My life has been this insane for the last thirty something years.  So, on the days that are calm, I'll just pull from the arsenal of craziness that is my life.  Heck, I might do it even when my life is in chaos, because some of the arsenal stories are way better than the Jersey Shore antics.  So here's my little vignette for you to get your day going....
When I was in college, a freshman to be specific, there was a senior boy that I had a major crush on.  I won't even use his initials, because then every one of you will be able to figure it out, and although I'm okay embarrassing myself, I don't really want to torment anyone else.  So this boy, let's call him Sam, and I had a class together.  He was super nice, and always said hi to me, as we had some mutual friends.  So he graduated and went on about his business, and I went about my business, but I was pretty convinced he had been going out of his way to flirt with me, so I was flirting right back.  The next Fall, when it was time for Homecoming, being the cool sophomores that we were, my friends and I got a big dinner table up at the Biltmore in the bar section, and waited for everyone to show up, and the fun to begin.  My fun started when Sam walked in, and I hopped up to greet him, hit my head on the hanging light above our table, and knocked myself out and onto the floor.  My fun ended, when regaling my friend BDK with the story later, I told her how embarrassed I was, because he had to come over and scoop me up off the floor.  I told her it was especially humiliating, because we had been flirting for a year, and I was sure I had ruined my chance.  I told her that he had been giving me a little wink every time he saw me for the past year, and now I was sure he would just laugh.  BDK said "Winking?  Winking? Jodie, you know he has Tourette's, right?"  Um, no, I did not.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Getting Started...

Everyone has been telling me for years that I should write a book... not because I'm that intelligent, witty or interesting, but because the craziest stuff happens to me.  In the words of my friend KHH- "If anyone else told me this I'd think they were lying..."  Why this stuff happens, I'm not really sure.  I figure I have two options:  1) I killed someone is a past life and this is my penance or 2) I'm due to win the Mega Millions lottery.  I'm going with the latter, but am just hoping I actually start buying the lotto tickets before it is my turn to win.  With my luck, I'm guessing I will drive right past the 7-11 on the big day.  Anyhow, if by some miracle my life calms down, and becomes simple and boring, I promise to stop writing this blog.  And if I ever start writing posts about my lunch, or going to the bathroom, you can come and smack me hard.  In the meantime, I'll only post when something terrible or amusing happens, which will probably be daily, so check back often.